The very last thing I wanted to do was write a dreary, heavy-hearted post. It’s Halloween soon. I should have probably written about sweet little costumes and candy corn and scary pumpkin carvings. But this, this is what poured out.
The media frenzy surrounding some of the recent bullying and teen suicides has left me wondering why things have to be this way. Why friends? I’ve been completely engrossed in the details surrounding these awful tragedies. I mean, totally immersed.
It makes me worry about what awaits my children. It makes me wonder how I can keep them close and safe amidst peer pressure and emerging social media outlets that lure them with promises of friendship and acceptance. It makes me wonder if perhaps, in the face of adversity, they will have enough trust in us to be open and honest about what is going on in their young lives. That, their fear of disappointing us won’t prevent them from being candid about their struggles. Because I never want to downplay that what’s happening to them right then and there is anything but grand in magnitude. It is in fact, the most important thing ever.
More than that, I wonder if they can they be the kinds of people that will stick up for others if they are ever faced with that sort of decision-making. Will they have the strength to stand up and say no to pressures of exclusion and ridicule? Will others be able to do the same for them if they are the ones on the other end?
I think what worries me the most as a parent is the realization that social media has taken over our children's lives. Perhaps even our own. I'm rarely without a phone in hand and that reality has me ridden with guilt. Teach by example means it starts with me. It means turning my phone off. Not responding to e-mails as they plummet through. It means not focusing on taking that Instagram photo or admiring that new picture I just tagged on Pinterest. Turning off and tuning out is a huge responsibility. It means I'm connected with my family instead of technology. It means I'm telling my family I'm more interested in them than what's on the other end. And what is the greater message here? That nothing, absolutely nothing is more important than them. Not a single thing.
These incredibly sad stories of teenagers who have been bullied to death- truly to death, makes me wonder if we’re enough. Am I enough to shelter and guide? To motivate and influence? To advise and convince? Will I be overridden by controlling acquaintances with promises of social status and popularity? Is the bond we forge with them enough to sustain their confidence and keep their spirit strong?
I’m just not sure.
I just don’t know.
For teenagers, acceptance means everything. I remember the feeling of wanting to please and wanting to be liked- the feeling of wanting to be included in that much needed social circle. It extends into adulthood by the way. That feeling of wanting to be in instead of out.
Out is lonely. It’s cold and dreadful. It’s isolating and remote. And imagining your child in that place, with feelings of desolation and complete despair- is terrifying.
Metaphorically speaking, I imagine it would feel like you are in an enclosed room full of bright lights. You can’t see clearly. And you can’t see the door. You know it’s there but you just can’t find it. More than anything you want to leave but you feel trapped. And those damned lights. They are strong and powerful and blinding.
And from the outside all we really want to yell to them is... Stay strong. Keep searching. The door is there!
Parenting is always going to conjure up the most explicit, mindful questions. The, how will I know’s. The, what will I do’s. The plain old what-ifs. And I know you can’t really live life based on those things because part of the journey is indeed, living without knowing. Without being sure, but going for it anyway. Listening to that precious inner voice and walking, sometimes aimlessly, in that direction. And talking. Talking, talking, talking to our children. About everything. Every single thing. Stay connected and informed and interested.
That’s my plan. And I hope it’s enough.
I realize this post is bit serious for a food blog. Bullying? Teen suicide? Pass the bread and let’s move on. It’s what you’re thinking perhaps.
But I suppose I wasn’t in the mood to focus solely on the amazing chocolate sugar cookies you see below. It’s not that they don’t deserve a post dedicated to their moistness and sweetness and sheer deliciousness. They do. So here you go. The best chocolate sugar cookies on the planet and a lovely ornamental icing. Pretty easy to make as far as rolled cookies go and super yummy. Great for decorating. Really great for memory making.
And I hope some day my children can look back and say "hey, my mom and dad, they did stuff with me. They baked cookies and came to soccer games. They encouraged me when I wanted to play the drums knowing the chances of being that rock star were pretty darn slim. They liked us. And they showed it. And now, I want to talk to them about my life. Because they’ve always been interested in me. In me.”
Happy Halloween friends. Enjoy your spooky little goblins and beautiful fairy princesses. They really do grow up so very fast. And even though the world is a scary place...right now, they’re here. With us. Near us. And that’s where we want them to stay forever.
cookie-making in our pj's? Don't mind if we do!
my favorite ones
